Reclaiming Leisure Time

Hello winter

We woke up to a winter wonderland on Tuesday morning after 6" of snow accumulation overnight!  While I wasn't mentally ready to say goodbye to autumn, part of me is always excited about a fresh snowfall.  I have been walking twice a day during the month of October and I find a lot of comfort and meditation in a quiet, snowy walk.  So many people this year, myself including, are living with an elevated level of stress day to day, and there seems to be this sense of impending doom, this fear of the unknown, and a much greater need to discover outlets for self-care and mental health.

I've been trying to transform the way I feel about my leisure time.  Having two kids and working full time, in the middle of a pandemic where help is hard to come by and in the presence of heightened anxiety at home and work, is really hard.  I have come to realize that I spend too much time feeling resentful, feeling overwhelmed, wishing I had more time for myself, or getting frustrated when I don't accomplish everything on my to-do list, which is often self-imposed.  It's really easy for busy people, especially parents, to feel as if leisure time is non-existent, because there is no mental break.  However, if I sit down and actually look at the time I spend outside of work, there's actually a lot of "free time" if I can just learn to view it as such.  If cooking dinner or commuting to daycare or reorganizing my kids' playroom is leisure, then maybe I don't need to rush or have a deadline, and maybe I can be more joyful or meditative.  I want to be able to enjoy hiking with my kids without thinking of it as childcare or something I need to do for them.  I want to be able to enjoy vacations without feeling overwhelmed by packing lists and agendas.  I think one of the reasons it's so hard for moms to enjoy time with our kids is because of the mental energy it takes to keep everyone organized. 

I recently read somewhere that choosing leisure and taking ownership over how I spend my time is the first step toward claiming control over it.  I think we are often so busy that we lose track of what truly makes us happy, so I'm making an effort to tune into this with myself and discover leisure and happiness and gratitude.  I'm asking myself what I'm doing for happiness and what things do I think I need to do but could probably skip.  If all of my non-working hours are my leisure time, then what would actually make me feel rested and re-charged for the week ahead?

Goodbye fall

Before the snowfall, we had many opportunities to get away to the mountains, go hiking, and observe the fall colors.  I took Ady and Meredith hiking on the Circle Trail in the Santa Fe National Forest, and I told Ady that this is where Jaycob and I got engaged!  (She of course thought I meant that we got married there, but I didn't have the heart to correct her.  She also thinks my Halloween earrings are "so fancy, like when you got married"!).  

I'm going to take advantage of this beautiful late-fall/early-winter weather and spend as much time outside as possible.  I haven't felt comfortable with an indoor social gathering yet, and I worry about the winter and all the unknowns of staying safe during the pandemic when it's too cold to be outside.  This year will require all of us to discover new ways to find happiness, to connect with people, and to practice self-care in new, creative ways.

Southwest winter