The Future is Female: Part III

Raising kind, confident, well-adjusted children seems to be an increasingly difficult task in this world we live in.  There are pressures from every direction and contradictions telling us that children should be successful but not boastful, compassionate but also strong leaders, open-minded but also firm in their opinions and decisions, not afraid to express individuality yet well-adjusted to society, independent while also teamwork-oriented.  We want to empower our girls to be strong, confident leaders, while also taking careful consideration to not leave our boys behind, and discovering this balance seems to be key in feminist parenting.  We are living in a world that is trending toward becoming more collaborative and team-oriented in the workplace, yet also further divided and individualized than ever.  

I think we are in a unique position in which the leadership qualities that women posses are increasingly valued.  My book club had an in-depth discussion recently about our observations of female mentors in leadership roles and our own varied experiences of leadership at work.  Women (whether by nurture or nature) are emotionally intelligent, empathetic, adaptable, and skilled at multitasking and prioritizing, thus in a key position right now to step up into leadership positions, yet we continue to face some of the same barriers as previous generations in the workplace.  We face discrimination and financial disparities, and the pressures to simultaneously be a perfect parent and a perfect employee are impossible.  I have a dream that the future will be different as we continue to talk about these issues, challenge our own biases, and instill feminist values in our boys and girls.

I took Ady to see Frozen 2 last week, her first movie in the theater!  She is obsessed with all things Anna and Elsa right now: band-aids, underwear, fruit snacks... we are victims of the entire marketing scheme.  As far as Disney princesses go, I am very much in favor of her looking up to these women as role models (perfect hair and tiny waists aside).  These girls represent feminist values in their leadership, their ability to overcome obstacles, their collaboration, their development and complexity as characters as they grow into adulthood, and their support and empowerment of one another.  The relevant and forward-thinking themes of transformation and change, correcting errors of previous generations, the depth and complexity of true companionship and love, and heroines who essentially rescue themselves, are big leaps for Disney.  I also love that the sisters can be equally successful as leaders, valuing each other's contributions and lifting each other up rather than climbing over each other to get to the top, which is an important subtlety in feminism and something I think we struggle with as successful women in the workforce.  My favorite quote of the whole movie is when Kristoff sweeps in on his reindeer to help Anna, not because he needs to save her or because she's incapable of working independently, but because he wants to support her, and he simply says, "I'm here. What do you need?"  Disney nailed it.

A challenge of many feminist efforts is to work collaboratively and to be interconnected in our goals.  Feminism has evolved over the decades and there are stark generational differences and even generational resentments.  Feminism isn't just about women's rights either, and we'll be more successful by bringing multiple goals together with shared values.  Injustices are endless, we need to coexist in the fight for equality.  Can we celebrate success while also upholding sisterhood?  Can we collectively be successful?  

Another concept I've been thinking about lately in terms of leadership at work, clinical education, and parenting, is growth mindset.  This is the idea that we can improve, that our skills can evolve and change, that we can learn from our mistakes, that we can get smarter, and that our talents and qualities are not fixed.  Children with a growth mindset are more resilient to obstacles and more responsive to change, and people are more likely to work harder to improve a skill when they believe that the effort matters.  I think this is true on a societal level as well.  Feminism depends on recognizing that human traits are dynamic and that gender roles can change.  Dissolving stereotypes and challenging intrinsic biases depends on a growth mindset.

So what does The Future is Female look like?  I'm going to echo what I stated in a previous post on this topic: I envision a world without stereotypical gender roles, hierarchies, or labels, in which people are emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and free to express their emotions.  Honoring femininity doesn't mean disregarding boys or leaving men out of the equation, but it means joining together in this fight to make the world better, acknowledging our equality and interconnectedness, and valuing what others have to contribute.  The Future is Female means dismantling the patriarchy and lifting each other up rather than climbing over each other to get to the top.  

So what are we supposed to do?  Not give up.  Do something.  Be active.  Don't be a passive observer in your own life.  Ask questions.  And listen.  Be a good human.  Our children depend on it.