300 Days of Sunshine

We did it.  2020 is coming to a close.  It felt like an eternity, a rock bottom that kept getting deeper, with more unprecedented and unexpected hardships than we could ever imagine, but with a new year comes hope for new beginnings. 2020 brought fires, explosions, plane crashes, murders, riots, injustices, and more death than we can process.  My friends and family experienced a lot of grief and loss, isolation and loneliness, discouragement, setbacks, depression, relationship struggles, infertility, job losses, health scares, and a lot of uncertainty, but we found ways to support each other.  My family connected on FaceTime and Zoom (with more happy hours virtually than we've ever had in person).  We couldn't have social gatherings with friends, but we shared love through notes in the mail and gifts on front porches, and found creative ways to connect with our close pod.  (Hello wine walks and pastries in the park.)  Kids didn't get to experience muse...

Here we are in month ten of the pandemic, now in the midst of a second or third wave that is so much worse than the first.  After getting through the initial surge of the virus, then adhering to masking and social distancing and staying home all summer and fall, I naively thought that we had succeeded in flattening the curve locally, so this new surge took me and many other healthcare providers by surprise.  I watched our COVID unit expand by four more rooms, then another four, then another 12, until it took over an entire wing of the hospital.  Then I watched private rooms become double rooms as we went over capacity.  I watched our ICU fill up with patients from other states, from pueblos and reservations in Arizona and New Mexico, and from towns 200-300 miles away because all of the hospitals in closer proximity were already full.  I watched multiple code blues happening simultaneously, wondering where we would get another crash cart if another code broke out...

We're eight months into the pandemic now, and here in New Mexico we're under a strict shelter in place/stay at home order.  I'm so thankful for our state and local governments for the difficult decisions they are forced to make to keep residents of our state safe and give our hospitals a chance to care for people, but it's also really hard to witness so many people out of work and continuing to struggle with no end in sight, and makes me furious with our federal government for the negligence that has led us to this point.  It is inconceivable to hold individuals accountable to save their communities without mandates to guide people's behavior in many states, and I can't help but wonder if it's too late for the United States to come back from this.  Everyone is tired, and frustrated, and burned out, and I think we are all starting to realize that "normalcy" is years away.  Every hospital in the state is beyond full and I worry about the upcoming wee...

Happy Birthday, Adyson Joyce In the blink of an eye, we have a four-year-old!  I am so proud of the little person Adyson is becoming.  She is full of ideas and insights, she has an amazing sense of humor, she cares deeply about her baby sister, and she is brave and curious in the face of new experiences.   Every age has been really fun, but every age has also presented us with new obstacles as parents.  Three was really hard.  They talk about the "terrible twos," but in my experience, two was adorable and delightful, and three was argumentative and manipulative.  Three was an emotional rollercoaster, talking back, name-calling, and pushing the limits of independence.  But three was also really inspiring.  Three was learning all the letters and numbers and pointing them out around town.  Three was doing puzzles independently and learning to love coloring.  Three was writing her own name and signing birthday cards.  Three was pra...

Hello winter We woke up to a winter wonderland on Tuesday morning after 6" of snow accumulation overnight!  While I wasn't mentally ready to say goodbye to autumn, part of me is always excited about a fresh snowfall.  I have been walking twice a day during the month of October and I find a lot of comfort and meditation in a quiet, snowy walk.  So many people this year, myself including, are living with an elevated level of stress day to day, and there seems to be this sense of impending doom, this fear of the unknown, and a much greater need to discover outlets for self-care and mental health. I've been trying to transform the way I feel about my leisure time.  Having two kids and working full time, in the middle of a pandemic where help is hard to come by and in the presence of heightened anxiety at home and work, is really hard.  I have come to realize that I spend too much time feeling resentful, feeling overwhelmed, wishing I had more time for myself, or get...

I had a cold last week, the kind that goes from allergies and itchy eyes and sniffles to a scratchy throat and gross coughing and eventually losing my voice.  Getting a cold during a pandemic can turn anyone into a hypochondriac, and it crossed my mind more than once that "Oh my gosh, could this be COVID?!"  (Thankfully it wasn't.)  I blame the combination of the seasons changing, sleep deprivation, the smoky air quality, and not staying hydrated during busy days at work.  It didn't help that I was over-using my voice all week between patient care, clinical education, presentations on Zoom meetings, and parenting.  By the end of the week I was completely unable to talk.   Being sick as a parent of young kids is pretty miserable, because taking a nap or a long shower or just curling up on the coach are not options, but thankfully Ady was adorably helpful, suggesting that we make some "camel meal" (chamomile) tea to make my "neck" feel better, and of...

Happy Fall!  I am very much looking forward to a new season.  I love the crispness of fall.  It's the perfect time of year to let go and to reflect.  Ady has been really interested in seasons lately and certain traditions or themes that come with each one.  She was so thrilled when I told her it was fall, exclaiming, "Yay, we get to eat corn on the cob!"  We also made some pumpkin cookies with warm apple cider this week.   Still trying to determine the best wine pairing with pumpkin cookies... In addition to yummy fall flavors, here are a few tidbits about life lately: 1.  We're still taking the pandemic very seriously in New Mexico, with masks required at all times when leaving the house, and most businesses are still closed to indoor service.  As a health care worker, I'm so thankful for our state's leadership in their approach and scientific basis for decision-making.  I am also thankful to have so many beautiful outdoor spaces f...

Finding inspiration at my favorite local coffeeshop drive-through At the beginning of the summer, when our nation and communities were struggling with a surge in COVID-19 cases as well as the aftermath of George Floyd's murder,  I thought to myself, "This must be rock bottom for our country.  This is the collapse of humanity as we know it.  Things couldn't possibly get any worse for our nation right now."  That was before fires destroyed homes and lives along the west coast.  Before more cases of police brutality and abuses of power emerged.  Before the new school year started, with some areas virtually and some in person but all equally stressful.  Before the pandemic pushed people to their limits of mental health, causing our numbers of patients in the ICU with critical illness resulting from substance use and mental illness to reach unprecedented highs.  And before feminist icon Ruth Bader Ginsburg succumbed to cancer.  I'm still processin...

We're more than five months in and realizing that coronavirus is here to stay, despite varying levels of acceptance.  This is our new normal, at least for a while.  I don't think we can even fathom the long term effects that the pandemic will have on our mental health and our relationships, but while we may struggle to find meaningful ways to grieve and to support our friends and family members through life changes and unexpected events, I think what keeps us going is celebrating the good things that are continuing to happen, despite the virus.  Artists are creating beautiful "virtual" pieces (like this incredibly moving virtual choir singing  Eric Whitacre's "Sing Gently" ).  Groups of people are connecting on Zoom.  Weddings are happening (although often not as the couple envisioned).  My former students are graduating from their Doctorate of Physical Therapy programs, despite the current uncertainty of the healthcare industry.  And in acute car...