2020: That's a Wrap

We did it.  2020 is coming to a close.  It felt like an eternity, a rock bottom that kept getting deeper, with more unprecedented and unexpected hardships than we could ever imagine, but with a new year comes hope for new beginnings.

2020 brought fires, explosions, plane crashes, murders, riots, injustices, and more death than we can process.  My friends and family experienced a lot of grief and loss, isolation and loneliness, discouragement, setbacks, depression, relationship struggles, infertility, job losses, health scares, and a lot of uncertainty, but we found ways to support each other.  My family connected on FaceTime and Zoom (with more happy hours virtually than we've ever had in person).  We couldn't have social gatherings with friends, but we shared love through notes in the mail and gifts on front porches, and found creative ways to connect with our close pod.  (Hello wine walks and pastries in the park.)  Kids didn't get to experience museums and park dates and zoos, or attend summer camps or participate in sports or clubs, but I think they had new opportunities to connect with family, get outside, and learn in new and important ways.

I recently looked back at some of my journals and lists, specifically my professional development goals for the year, resolutions, and travel ambitions, and I had to just laugh at myself.  All bets were off in 2020.  Everything we had hoped to accomplish was on hold.  We didn't go on vacations or spend more time with friends or save more money.  But I think we also accomplished a lot that we didn't intend to, and we overcame a lot of obstacles that we didn't know existed.  Bottom line: if you are here reading this, then you are alive and you survived 2020, which in all seriousness is a tremendous accomplishment in the face of a global pandemic and profound health disparities; violence and racism and gun abuse; a surge in mental health crises, domestic violence, and succumbing to addiction.  If all we did this year was survive, then that is quite an accomplishment.  Looking back on my journals and goals, I also wrote on January 1st of last year that my goal was just to survive 2020.  I of course didn't know about the pandemic or the destruction that the year would bring, but I knew that welcoming a second child while juggling professional responsibilities and financial stresses would set the stage for my family's hardest year yet.  I can't wait to hear how we will describe this year to our grandkids someday, or how history books will summarize the unique convergence of events that came to define 2020. 

There is still so much to celebrate this year, the most obvious being the election and the vaccine, both of which offer a glimmer of light at the end of this very long, dark tunnel.  There was also a lot of joy and new life this year.  Meredith joined our family on January 16th, and many families in my circle welcomed babies this year too: Constance, Teddy, Esme, Eleanor, Walter, Jack, Patterson, Henry x2, Charlie, Christian, Virginia, and so many more.  I think the parents of 2020 will be united in a unique way as our kids grow and reach important milestones.  

In one of my journals at the end of 2019, I wrote about wanting to experience joy more frequently in the day to day moments, to accept help from friends, and to pursue new leadership roles with vigor.  None of these ambitions turned out the way I expected, but as I look back on it all, I think these things came to fruition in unexpected ways.  Stress and anxiety often obscured the joy in daily moments, but at the same time I spent a lot more time at home with my family and learned, more than ever, the importance of laughter and letting go of control.  Help was hard to come by in the midst of social distancing and travel restrictions, but when I was overwhelmed with the impossible expectations of work demands and childcare, finding myself face to face with burnout, I reached out to my coworkers and friends, admitting that I was at my limit, and saying no to adding anything else to my plate, and they all came through in amazing ways. At the beginning of the year I was planning to accept a leadership position at work, one that I was originally enthusiastic about and prepared for, a position that I think others may have expected me to take, but when the job description didn't fit what I identified as the need for the department, I took a risk and turned it down.  In doing so, I had the opportunity and the availability to pursue other leadership positions in ethics, in my professional association, and in clinical instruction, and I was able to contribute my skills and expertise in creative and lasting ways.  

Whoever said nothing positive happened this year probably didn't notice that scrunchies made a comeback.  (Patting myself on the back for saving yet another thing from the 90s.)  Loungewear replaced high fashion.  Stocks in Zoom, Peloton, and Netflix rose.  Distilleries made hand sanitizer, people took up sewing to make masks, drive-in movies made a comeback.  Museums and zoos became accessible virtually.  (My 4-year-old is now a regular at the Cincinnati Zoo and the Guggenheim Museum.) We were united over Tiger King, Nevada memes, TikTok, jokes about toilet paper, and homeschooling woes.

Musicians and artists developed creative ways to share their talents virtually, to inspire people, to reach wider audiences, and to strengthen humanity through new formats just when we needed it the most.  Hamilton, for example, reached a broader audience through Disney+, with lyrics and themes that are just as relevant today as they were during our nation's founding.

This year we learned what it means to be "an essential worker," and we have tremendous gratitude and appreciation for the postal workers, the UPS drivers, the grocery store clerks, the manufacturers, the restaurant employees, the educators, the front-line healthcare providers, and everyone behind the scenes who keeps the world running.  When have we ever appreciated the housekeepers and servers more than the bankers and executives?  

Thanks to 2020, we're talking more about mental health.  We're talking about race and gender.  We're talking about how to raise the next generation to be better people.  We're talking about our own privilege and how to use it to better our communities.  We're talking about impact versus intent.  Some of the most widely-read and discussed books of the year are So You Want To Talk About Race (Ijeoma Oluo), How to Be an Antiracist (Ibram X. Kenzi), and White Fragility (Robin Diangelo).  

We learned a lot about healthcare and medicine.  We're studying a virus that initially appeared to impact just the respiratory system, but is now known to attack endothelial cells, cause blood clotting, and set off a massive inflammatory and autoimmune response.  In doing so, we're learning how to better treat other conditions as well.  We don't have nearly enough providers to take care of the number of people with COVID-19, but the crisis is forcing us to develop new models.  We're implementing collaborative healthcare and team-based models, with less delineated jobs and roles.  We're learning the importance of workplace camaraderie and we're suffering from a lack of connection and culture in our teams, but the stage is set for developing new ways to connect.

2020 is the beginning of a paradigm shift and I don't think we'll fully process it until many years into the future.  Our old ideas about how to live and how to do things are no longer applicable or relevant.  2020 is forcing us to reflect on the meaning of human dignity and life, on what it means to be happy, and on what's really important to us.  

These are 21 of my intentions for 2021:

1. Stop buying new things (e.g. clothes, home goods), make do, or replace old with new

2. Invest in my close friendships and relationships

3. Eat more vegetables

4. Become a smoothie person

5. Be more patient with my kids

6. Commit to a consistent yoga and meditation practice

7. Stop complaining (about work, people, parenting struggles, etc.) without offering a solution

8. Be comfortable giving negative feedback and constructive criticism when necessary

9. Learn to cook a really good curry

10. Ditch a bad habit

11. Play piano more

12. Ride my bike

13. Discover a new favorite author

14. Only buy books from indie bookstores

15. Cut down on screen time at night

16. Drink less alcohol on weeknights

17. (But also)... get good at making at least one cocktail at home

18. Read more poetry

19. Complete a home improvement project

20. Be more forgiving

21. Use my passport

Here's to new habits and new beginnings, to a paradigm shift and embracing a new normal, to starting fresh in 2021.  

Happy New Year!