Christmasing With You

December 26, 2021

Christmas tree in Sayulita, Mexico

This Christmas felt different. In true pandemic fashion, I found myself languishing through much of the regular holiday activities, questioning whether all of my time-consuming, elaborate traditions were really worth the time, and asking myself which activities would truly bring joy to my family and which would just add unnecessary stress or expectation. This Christmas I thought a lot about my triggers and was keenly aware of the holiday atmosphere I was creating for my children. I reflected on Christmases past and the moments that were most memorable, and my mantra became being present with my children and laughing off the things that didn't go as planned.

This Christmas felt different because we also celebrated Jaycob's 40th birthday with a trip to Sayulita the week before Christmas. Also in true pandemic fashion, the trip I had envisioned for years did not come to fruition, but instead we found the perfect little gem of a destination for 4 days of relaxation and contemplation, which was just what the doctor ordered at this overwhelming time during an overwhelming year.

This Christmas felt different because there were empty seats at the dinner table, and grief was in our hearts. Holidays will never be the same again after losing a family member, and we're all adapting to a world that will never be the same without that person.

This Christmas felt different, perhaps because it was different. Unlike last year, when many of us foolishly believed that Zoom gatherings and masked family photos would be temporary, this year, as we come up with ways to creatively celebrate the holidays together, we're starting to realize that a contagious winter COVID surge may be an annual event for years to come. We're opening our eyes to the realization that there might not be a return to "normalcy," and we're not sure what the new "normal" looks like.

Christmas is different because every gathering is now complicated by the internal dilemma of protecting the most vulnerable of our family and friends while also rejoicing in our shared humanity and partaking in connectedness that brings meaning to our lives. We all look for a formula or a set of rules that will guarantee each other's safety, like encouraging everyone to get their booster shot a few weeks in advance, or arranging rapid tests before getting together. Or maybe we wear masks when we're not eating, or set chairs 6 feet apart, or bundle up and eat outside. But whatever set of rules we establish, we also know that many will not survive the holidays. People young and old will be exposed to COVID at a family holiday gathering, which will lead to their demise, and we will ask ourselves if it will have been worth it. The answer will be different for everyone, but we can't escape the nagging questions that the pandemic has posed about what is important, what brings meaning to life, and how can we put our community ahead of ourselves.

Despite the heaviness that this different Christmas brought, we had a lot of memories and creativity as a family. We did a lot of art projects and put work on hold to watch some Christmas movies. We made a gingerbread house and went for a holiday train ride. I tried three new cookie recipes (with help from my assistant chefs), made wine cork Christmas trees for my friends, and whipped up a unicorn scarf in 7 short days to meet the demands of the 5-year-old's ever-evolving wish list. We made a lot of beautiful memories together as a family despite the challenges of this really difficult year. Happy Holidays to our community.