Welcoming Baby Meredith
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If thereʼs one thing I have learned from my vibrant community of mothers is that a birth plan is an oxymoron. But despite this reality, I also believe whole-heartedly that birth is something that a woman does, actively and purposefully, not something that is done to her. And that all births are "natural." My birth story started on Wednesday afternoon when I was admitted to the Labor and Delivery unit directly from work because of inconsistent blood pressures and early signs of preeclampsia, and the midwife recommended induction. I had known this was a possibility for a few weeks, and while it was absolutely not my plan to be induced or to require medical management, I felt more confident and accepting of the circumstances now that I was full term. I wanted a healthy baby more than anything in the world and trusted my midwife's recommendations to keep my girl healthy.
Working in healthcare, supporting patients through their own grief and coping, I think one of the hardest things about health is accepting that over which we have no control. I didn't have any of the risk factors for preeclampsia, I'm a few months shy of being considered "advanced maternal age," and the first 35 weeks of my pregnancy had been smooth and uneventful. But like many health conditions, sometimes things happen without explanation. As humans, we crave an understanding of "cause and effect," to be able to attribute events to something we did (or didn't do), but health and pregnancy don't always operate like that. Mamas can do everything right and still have difficulty labors, or babies needing medical attention, or develop preeclampsia in the final weeks. We often talk about surrender during pregnancy and birth, and that felt very true as I sat in L&D triage that afternoon. Waiting for answers. Letting go of my plan. Surrendering to things I cannot control.
The first several hours of the slow induction process called for even more patience, acceptance, and surrender on my part. I expected Baby Girl to come during the night, and when active labor still had not progressed by the next morning, I felt discouraged and defeated. Connected to an IV and a fetal monitor, I was at the mercy of medicine and of this baby, rather than actively controlling my own body. This was not my plan. I wanted to be laboring at home, in my own clothes, with a yoga mat and a pilates ball, working with my doula until it was time to transition to the hospital. I wanted to carry my baby for the full 40 weeks. I wanted to be able to hug and kiss Ady one more time before she becomes a big sister, instead of having to find last-minute overnight childcare for her. I wanted ownership over my experience. I also found myself surrendering all my plans and To Do lists for the week, work commitments and responsibilities that I was supposed to fulfill that day, house projects that never got done, and errands I had wanted to run before the baby arrived. I had to accept that all of these things were out of my control and that none of it really mattered anymore in that moment. I was also forced to ask for help and to accept friends' offers to help, especially with Ady and Kua while I was stuck in the hospital, which is not something that comes easily to me.
On Thursday morning I was started on Pitocin for more aggressive induction. I was somewhat fearful about the potential side effects and dangers of the drug, and unsure of what to expect once the contractions became forceful. I was also afraid that it might not work or that I would require additional interventions, because my belief is that any intervention or medical management that alters the natural labor progression could lead to more interventions. In most circumstances, labor shouldn't require medical intervention. I was also feeling my own control of my experience slipping away. But a lot of positive things happened on Thursday morning too. We instantly connected with our new nurse who would be taking care of us during the day, and the midwife who was on call that day was the same one who had been present for Ady's birth three years ago, and one whom I knew and trusted. And when I think back to other positives of the morning, besides the obvious joy and excitement of preparing to welcome our baby, I also appreciated the time that Jaycob and I had to spend together (it's been a long time since we spent a whole day together without Ady!), the knowledge that Ady was in good hands with our friends, and the view of the peaceful snow accumulating outside the window as we rested and prepared. I made up my mind to regain ownership over my birth story and to embrace whatever happened that day. I might be on medication that I didnʼt choose, I might be in the hospital earlier than I expected, but this is my story, and this is probably the last time I will experience this.
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| Making the hospital room my own |
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| Making the best of "my new birth plan" |
As the nurse increased the dose of Pitocin during the morning, I gradually started to experience the onset of active labor. I tried to balance movement with rest, and to eat a little when I could. I called our doula to come to the hospital in the early afternoon, and labor was fast and furious after that point. I listened to my body, changed positions as needed to support the baby's descent and provide pain relief, and tuned in to recommendations from my nurse, doula, and midwife. I stayed in control when I could and my mantra was to welcome the contraction. When I lost control of my breathing, I let it go, trying to relax during the next break, and started over on the next contraction, without judgment, telling myself to just focus on one at a time. Suddenly it was time to push, and Baby Meredith arrived in the world at 2:47 p.m.! At 7 pounds 2 ounces, she was healthy and ready for the world. She latched and ate well, slept a lot that first night, and passed all of her tests with flying colors. We got to go home the following day to begin our new life as a family of four.
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| Welcome to the world, Meredith Rose |
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| Big Sister coming to meet her Baby Sister |
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| 24 hours old and getting ready to go home! |
Itʼs hard to not compare Meredith to her big sister. They look so much alike as newborns, with same adorable facial expressions and eyes, and some of the same mannerisms, and they were almost the same size at birth. But Meredith's cry is definitely her own voice, and I canʼt wait to her discover her unique personality. Maternity leave has an entirely different tone this time around with a 3-year-old on the loose! Our household is noisy and chaotic at times, every day an exercise in choosing our battles, and sleeping when the baby sleeps is not always realistic. But the skills Iʼm developing with Ady will help me be a better mother for Meredith and the joy is overwhelming at times. I think what saves us every day is our shared sense of humor, our amazing support from friends, and knowing that every difficult moment is just a phase that will pass. We cherish this time together that we will never have again.
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LOVE this Betsy! Thanks for sharing.
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